I was asked to write a Poem like Mcgonogall

I was advised to write a rhyme like Mcgonogall
I was not surprised to find he chimes well with dogeral
If you want a half hearted ditty
Ask a scot- they're always shitty
The driving rain and Irn Bru
Bashes their brains black and blue
Until they arise like drunken spartans
And fall in love with their tartans
And that sound of strangled pipes
And deep fried fodder of all types
Till the raving scot grabs his sporen and whiskey
Announces ma I'm feeling frisky
I fancy me self a bit of hunting
Me welsh mate raves bout sheep shunting
But for me I'd like a rarer beast
Aye a haggis- a rare feast
So off he hops up the highlands
Then try's the lowlands then the islands
He takes the high road, he takes the lows
With every step-frustration grows
Until on the point of expiration
He grabs a pen and writes for his nation
An address (incoherent in his frustration)
A general waffle of desire
For the sacred haggis -his belly fire

Searching for a pseudonym suitable
( as to his mother he must remain dutiful)
He alights on a name that every school child now learns
The indomitably accurate short word: burns
The scots they write with rubbish rhymes
Or fetid incoherence all the time
But amid the senseless paltry fluster
Lies treasure buried beneath the bluster
If you want a decent Scottish poem
Ask the sickly slight Samoan
Who for treasure island is renowned
But Stevenson inspiration found
And his best poems happily unfurled
In the south seas, on the other side of the world.

Flurry Wright